Reflections of Christmas

I have had some time over the last few days to just think about Christmas and how it's changed.  As a young child it was all about santa and the presents.  It was exciting and magical and wonderful.

Then as an older child/teenager it was an anti-climax in some ways as the mystery and magic had gone.

As a parent of little ones it was about recreating the excitement and wonder that was there for me as a child.  But over the years somehow it became a source of dread for me.  A self-inflicted pressure about having to make each Christmas bigger and better than the last.  It took quite a while for me to get out of that one...if I am indeed completely done with it. 

Now as a mother of adults it has changed again.  I now have the freedom to just enjoy the company of my children, watching them interact with each other and their partners and see each of them as their own person, not as my child but as unique wonderful individuals.   

I am very blessed.

A wonderful day spent with those you love

Breakfast with all of my children.  The eldest and his partner and children hosted the proceedings.  I'd spent some time with them on Christmas Eve and the kids were so excited about having bought presents for and had cleaned the whole houseand got told all of the 'secrets' about what was bought for everyone.  This was so special for me. 

The secret santa was done but a bit extra was done too.  And even though the children turn into adults, Christmas Day can bring the child back.

This was genuine excitement.

The boys then couldn't be out done.

Add to that a puppy and children and you get laughter and joy.

Then there's the adultchild who comes out to play with the child.

 

I am truly blessed.

Finished Experiment

While knitting washers I had a thought...

I decided to make it smaller but to actually do two joined together then folding them and sewing them together to make a pocket. The pocket to house a bar of soap.  The pattern is very simple and basic (which is the ONLY reason I attempted it in the first place) starting with 4 stitches and increasing on each row with knit 2, yarn to the front and then decreasing with knitting one, two together, yarn to front and two together.  This creates a little row of holes along the edge.  With the larger one you'd go back to four on and cast off.  However, for this smaller one I started to increase again.

The plan is to fold in half and sew the two together so that it forms a pocket for holding a bar of soap.  (This way you don't end up with the daggy bits of soap that you end up either squishing them all together to form a usable size soap or they sit in the soap dish and go gluggy.) Ah... but how to make it re-usable.

I sewed up three sides and then threaded ribbon along those same three sides through both edges leaving a good length at both ends.  On the open edge I threaded one end through one side and the other end through the other side so that the hole was still open.  I then secured the ribbon at both ends of the opened edge at the corners to stop the ribbon from sliding all the way through.

I found a nice lemon myrtle soap in this particular case to go inside and then gently tied in a bow.

Procrastination leads to Paralysis

Well, here it is the last Sunday before Christmas and I've gone to church and realised that there WON'T be another opportunity to hand out cards or gifts to all those I wanted to bless.  I was in great company though as the Pastor's wife also had the shock of... Oh No...there's NOT another Sunday before Christmas.

So, what to do about it.  I won't be able to get to church on Christmas day as I will be having breakfast with my children so I'm thinking I might have to spend some time in the evenings taking things to people especially.  You know...that might be an even nice thing to do.  However, I still have to make the cards.  Here is where the procrastination comes in.

I've been procrastinating for months now on the card making; making the excuse that I couldn't get to my card making stuff when in actual fact I could...just with a bit of effort and the thought, there's plenty of time yet.  Now, I have a job and only 4 or 5 evenings left to make and distribute and the pressure is on.  And  the paralysis descends. 

I've got several cards I want to make, gifts that need finishing and wrapping, housework that must be done before Christmas as my Christmas plans have changed and I'll now be doing a lunch at home with my youngest (#3) son and a friend and her son who is about the same age.

I am now sitting here looking at all that I need to do, and want to do and feel I should do and going... I don't know where to start!

First day OVER

My first day at my new job is over.  I'm sitting in my lounge having absolutely no energy to do anything but think about what to have to for dinner.

The day started with me NOT waking up to the alarm but just waking up.  Thankfully, it was about when the alarm should have gone off.  I hadn't set it properly.  That has been remedied for tomorrow morning.  Then I'm just cruising along getting ready without rushing and I get a phone call from #3 son.  "Can you come and get me from friend's place?"  So I rush to finish getting ready and leave the house 30 minutes early.  #3 son got a list of things to do for me as I didn't get the chance.

The drive in this morning was surprisingly quick.  I had allowed an hour especially for a Monday morning.  Traditionally the worst morning of the week, it wasn't too bad.   But then again it is the first day of school holidays here and school holidays are always lighter in traffic.  I will admit to having a depressive attack as I was brought to a snail's pace on the highway.  "Oh Lord, I don't want to do this everyday!  I don't want to be at the mercy of everyone else's stupidity.  I never wanted to do this ever again."  The first snail's pace was due to some idiot running up the backside of some other idiot and then of course all the other idiots have to slow down to have a look.  The second and third snail paces were just normal merging stuff. Once off the highway though traffic wasn't too bad in the little area I head to, in the end only taking me 50 minutes and that is with two small stops for air in a tyre and a notebook.

I had a 15 minute relax time to get coffee before the new language lessons began, along with the long list of new names and faces to try and remember.  My co-workers and the boss however, all did their very best to makes things as easy and as pleasant as possible.  At the end of my day which went 40 minutes longer than scheduled, I feel quite pleased though.  I was productive, and seemed to surprise my co-workers with knowing how to do things. 

Now to make it through the rest of the week.  That's the next hurdle.

The drive home was longer than normal as I had to drop some stuff to a friend on the way, then stop and do some shopping, so I didn't walk into the house until 6.30 just over 12 hours after I left.

Cross Stitch

The last few weeks has seen me knitting and doing a little bit of applique and embroidery.  The main thing however, has been the knitting.  I started out knitting for myself, as cheap gifts for the family, however, with the introduction of our secret santa I didn't need to worry too much about it.  But my friend D who has a heap of people she wants to give gifts to has asked me to keep knitting.  I will do that but I long to get back to my cross stitch. 

I started my cross stitch way back in February when I needed to take a break from the one I was already doing and had suffered a major set back.  I did recover the first one from the set back and it is now completed and hanging on my wall looking gorgeous (even if I do say so myself).

I then started another cross stitch for my son and now daugther in law.  A wedding sampler that of course had a deadline, so again my second cross stitch got put aside.  I've done bits and pieces every now and then for the last couple of months but my house and routine has really been shot to bits for the last 5 months and it's about to change again on me with starting my new job tomorrow.

Hopefully, once Christmas is done and I'm finished with the knitting I can get back into my "garden arch" .

Lucky 7

Today we had a family pre-christmas lunch to do the big "Secret Santa" Draw.  It was a lovely afternoon with the three older kids and their partners.  The youngest stayed long enough to do the draw and off he went with his mates.  Being 20 and single is such a busy social time of life.  Mind you he was off to go swimming in one of the nicest swimming holes in the area so I couldn't say I wouldn't have done the same at his age, particularly in the sweltering heat we've been having.

The whole secret santa thing has been introduced for the first time this year although I do remember suggesting it a few times in previous years.  They just weren't quite ready for it.  Some are still not too sure of it.  In particular one who feels that it shows a lack of love and caring by others.  He obviously has gifts as a major love language.  Hopefully, on Christmas Day there will be a great sense of joy and fun and he will realise that he has received and given a great deal without having spent a heap of money.

I didn't mind the idea at all as it means I can spend a decent amount on one person and not go into bankruptcy over Christmas.  Starting my new job on Monday makes finding the preset amount easier.  The only concern I had about it was getting someone I didn't know what to buy.  They were my daughter's partner, as I still don't know him well enough to know what he's in to, and my eldest son's partner.  I have no idea what I would get her.

The draw was done with numbers being drawn from the 'hat' and being giving a corresponding envelope.  We had to check that we didn't pick ourselves or our partners.  I drew everybody's Lucky Number 7. 

It turns out that number 7 is not my lucky number.  I got one of the ones I didn't want to get.  Seems I am to be challenged in this.

The problem with pets

I love having animals around.  I grew up with a dog and cats and it seems perfectly normal to me to have at least one four legged member of the family and I still have a dog and two cats.  Although, one of the cats has been inherited from my daughter who left home and couldn't take him with her. 

Each animal has his or her own personality and is good company, particularly the dog Sarra.  She loves to be near me and can usually be found in the same room as me, sometimes even the same chair as me....in my lap.  She doesn't stay there very long as she is not a lap dog.  She's a kelpie/border collie cross.

I love her to peices but today I had to take her to the vet again as she has skin allergies and she was driving herself and me nuts with the scratching.  She must be in quite a bit of discomfort with areas of her skin red raw.  Of course I didn't get out of there with much change from $140 and three lots of medication.  Anti-biotics for the raw skin, antinflammatories and ear drops for the sore ears. 

We also went and had a bath in the dog wash near the car wash.  These are great, no bending over, the water is a good temperature (although I thought this morning it might have been a tad too hot) and all the shampoo and conditioners etc.  She's not a fan of the bath, but I am.  She's nice and clean, her coat where she hasn't chewed or scratched it away is nice and shiny and she's not scratching as much.  YAY!! it is so nice to see her able to lie or sit still for more than a minute without scratching.

Christmas preparations

With Christmas not too far away and having no money in the last two months I decided that I would make stuff for people for Christmas.  That should not have been my excuse I know, as making gifts is far more enjoyable for the giver and the reciever than fighting the throngs of crazed shoppers at the shopping centres to spend an enormous amount of money on something that you hope they will like only to find they already have one, or it's the wrong colour, or the wrong size or you get that sweet smile and the 'how lovely'...then you know they hate it.

Not only have I been making I've been doing things that I've never done before.  I did my first ever applique and it's pretty good even if I do say so myself.  I'm also knitting washers using a bamboo/soya blend that comes in some lovely varigated colours.  The knitting is basic which is great cos I'm just a basic knitter.

 I also did one in a bamboo/wool blend that has come up beautifully and has almost got me excited about knitting.  I am going to have to get some more and have a go as some other pattern.

A job at last.

I have for the last two months, since closing the doors on my retail business, been looking for a job.  My faith has kept me from going totally around the twist.  I remember a time about 4 years ago when I was unemployed for a week.  That week was horrendous...I was beside myself with fear and worry.  This last two months... I've been concerned but not worried, mildly anxious from time to time but not fearful.  I'm still here, I've eaten, the animals have eaten, I still have my phone and my internet ... all this and more and I'm not quite sure how.  But I do KNOW without a shadow of a doubt the God has been looking after me.

Today I had a second interview for a job that I interviewed for yesterday.  In this 2nd interview I was offered and accepted the position.  Driving home I started to think over the interview again and something that had struck me as odd at the time but I didn't pursue came back to my thoughts.  I was offered the job at an annual rate that was then going to be converted to an hourly rate and I'd clock on and off and would be paid overtime.  He then went of to say something about the short 3 day week between Christmas and New Year where I wouldn't be working full days and my pay would be less.  So, does that mean I am not being employed as a permanent fulltime employee with the benefits of such.  I will have seek some clarification on that as temporary/casual employment is NOT a long term option for me. 

On the way to the interview I had a call from an agency regarding another job I'd applied for yesterday as I was driving at the time I told him I would call him back when I got home.  That would also give me a chance to refresh my memory as to which particular job it was...my vague recollection was that it was a job I'd really like but didn't think I'd get response on.

I was right that it is a job I would really like.  It is also a much better pay than I had just been offered and also has the added advantage of being able to use air conditioned public transport as opposed to drive for the same amount of time in peak hour traffic in a non air conditioned car and all the ancilliary running costs.  I'm going to interview with the agency tomorrow afternoon. 

The situation has been explained to the agency consultant and that I have accepted this job today but I am still very interested in his role and so he has said that he will try to get an earlier interview for me after our meeting.  If that interview goes ahead I pray that they can give me an answer before Monday.

I feel awful about the thought of changing my mind with the people from today however, an extra 7K per annum plus greatly reduced travelling costs (when you take into consideration all the costs of running the car an extra 90km per day) is a lot of money when I am faced with the debt of a failed business.

Deviant Sunday

I deviated from my normal Sunday routine. I would normally go to church in the morning and share lunch afterwards then come home and have a relaxing afternoon before going to church again in the evening. This is something I treasure. It refreshes me on many levels for the coming week. However, this morning after having had a bad nights sleep and waking feeling slightly nauseated I just couldn't wake myself up enough to go anywhere but back to sleep.

Yesterday had been a big day with a BBQ picnic lunch and an 18th birthday party in the evening. A great time was had at both! However, I did the wrong thing. 1. I ate waaaay too much and 2. I ate the WRONG foods. My stomach let me know all about it all night long by waking me up with severe heartburn or reflux or both. Not to mention the bloated feeling my whole body experienced making movement sluggish and painful.

By the time I was able to drag myself out of bed at about midday the heat of the day had started to make its presence felt and the ensuing mild headache made its arrival. The rest of the day was then spent trying to stay as cool and as comfortable as possible.

The one achievement for the day was the completion of my knitting experiment. It is still be to sewn together and made pretty but the knitting is complete. I must say that I'm liking the varigated green yarn and am tempted to make another using the green for one half and the varigated orange for the other half.

Graciousness tested

It seems that my lesson in graciousness is not yet complete.

The BBQ picnic day dawned a beautiful sunny day with a lovely breeze and not too hot. I got to the spot about an hour earlier to make sure we got the spot we wanted but it was already inhabited by SSB1 and 2 who had set up the chairs, set the table and cleaned the BBQ. What treasures they are!

Before long people started to arrive. All those in our group who we had expected and then the family. It then became clear that SSB 1 and 2 and the project manager were expected to play hostess, cook and waitress for the soon to be couple and family.

Again, breathe deep and smile and be gracious.

The meal prepared and eaten there was yet ANOTHER unexpected guest arrival. Apparently, while project manager was cooking the BBQ the soon to be ex group member had rung friends that we all new but who were a couple and invited them to come. This made it extremely awkward and difficult for everyone else involved as the couple had felt hurt that they weren't invited until then and then when they kind of realised what it was supposed to be about seemed to feel a little uncomfortable.

I am afraid that I was feeling really angry; I don't think anyone else knew just how cranky I was but I know that some shared my displeasure and our two darling SSB's I think felt very put out and were most uncomfortable as they had spent the day with the newly arrived couple a few days earlier and had not invited them to the BBQ as they did not feel it was appropriate.

When it came time to do the birthday present and cake SSB1 and 2 and the project manager chose to present our group member first and made sure that it was recognised that this was a 'singles group' event and then made the presentation to the fiance second.

That did satisfy my need for saying something at the time however, in the grand scheme of things it has achieved nothing. Firstly, the one it was intended to 'tell off' I am quite sure is still none the wiser. And secondly, I sit here and am convicted of having had 'revenge' in my heart and that is not at all gracious and over something so petty too. I think I have a lot more learning to do.

Learning to be gracious

I am part of a group of people who are "coupledom challenged"....in other words we live on our own and don't have the blessings or the aggravations of having a spouse. Our ages range from our twenties up to our seventies....some are divorced, some are widowed, some have never married.


Some of us find the practical day to day stuff of looking after a house and yard difficult. Others struggle with feeling alone and disconnected. All of us want to feel useful and loved and when alone it is difficult to do that. So....


This group started to meet with the view to look at how we could help to meet the needs we each had in our lives. This has been working well for us as we have started to make the effort for ourselves and others. Each of us taking a good look at ourselves and our lives and admitting that we don't necessarily have it all together and need some help.


One friend and I meet regularly to cook dinner for each other....this makes sure that both of us have at least one decent cooked meal a week. Mind you I think she is much better at cooking for herself than I am. I think she is far more used to looking after herself as that is what she's always done. I still find it different being on my own and don't seem to be able to find the desire within myself to cook for me. I hope over time that I will adjust and start to enjoy being able to do that.




The "SSB 1" (Senior Social Butterfly) suggested a picnic/BBQ as a social gathering for us so that we could just get out of the house and enjoy other company. This was an idea everyone loved and we started planning. It was then realised that one of us had a birthday very close to the chosen date as did the fiance of another in our group. We decided it would be nice to have birthday celebrations as well.


The "Project Manager" went into full swing getting out invitations, checking on RSVP's, organising menus with the SSB1 and SSB2 (they travel in pairs hehehehe), the venue surveyed and approved, back up venue in case of extreme heat or rain had been chosen, the food and who brings what was decided...all was ready to go.




Then the one who is to leave our group as they will no longer be a single but a couple informs me that the family, who has no relationship to the group at all has been invited. What was to be a 'group' gathering for the purposes of edifying and building the 'group' turned into 'the fiance's birthday party'.




What can you do or say.... other than smile and be gracious.