When it rains... it pours

We had a discussion the other night about the rain and the storms in our lives.  The discussion was basically that they do and will continue to happen and although it is a time of pain and difficulty and fear and worry if we put our trust in the Lord, He will bring us through it.  In my life right now there is a pretty huge storm around losing my business and now my job and having huge debts etc.  I'm trusting and I'm knowing that everything will be fine no matter which way it goes. However, the storm has just intensified.....

That which I have feared most for the last six years has finally happened.  After my husband left the one nagging thought that I have kept trying to ignore is that one day I will be completely on my own.  That has happened today.  My youngest son who had 'moved' next door with his older brother was due to come home today, but instead he decided to move in with mates.

This is a wonderful time for him and I'm excited and happy for him but I have to admit some anger and disappointment about it over a few issues.  One he didn't even bother to tell me or discuss it with me until I asked him directly what he was doing and two which I am aware is completely selfish, is that at this time I was counting on his being here to help pay the bills and feed myself while I'm unemployed and he know that.  His living here would have meant that two very important bills would have been paid but now?...I'd say not.

I know that sounds very selfish of me and although it is a huge issue for me right now I know that even more than all that I am going to miss him.

I think I'll go have a little cry, hand it over to the Lord and start looking forward to the next season of my life.

You know, doing this is quite healing.  As I've typed this out and added to it and re-worded it so that reflected best how I was feeling I am now realising that I don't need a little cry at all.  This is an exciting time for my baby and I pray that I've prepared him enough for the big world out there and it is an exciting time for me to discover life on my own.